Thank you for your letter of the 24th. We are in full sympathy with your request, but unfortunately must refuse permission for you to perform at the Shakedown Club next month.The last time you were here, you will remember, you were not a member of AC/DC, but a member of the public and your behaviour caused no little concern among both patrons and staff. I understand your antics have only become worse.
Rocky Mungo, Manager
P.S.: The bouncer thanks you for the pansies you sent him. He should be out of hospital in another month or so.
My dad says that under your leather trousers there lurks something mean and terrible. I'm sure it's only a heart of gold. My dad also says if he ever sees you face to face he will erase your tattoos by pulling off your arms. But don't worry, he's the Mayor of our town, so he won't do anything that will lose him votes.
Dear Mr. Rudd;
Enclosed please find the remains of the drum sticks you broke over my daughter's head last Friday. Or was it a billiard cue? She's still a little uncertain. My solicitors will be in touch with you concerning the charges I am filling in for you on her behalf.
Dear Mrs. Young;
I am writing to you yet again to complain about your sons' behaviour at school. All of their teachers have come to me with a range of complaints from abusive language to obscene gestures to obstreperousness verging on violence.
Malcolm is a certainly old enough to know that his constant humming is neither amusing nor impressive. The few times a day he puts pen to paper it turns out he is writing what appears to be poetry of some vile sort.
Angus does not stop eating chocolate bars and Smarties long enough to pay attention to his teachers and his work. His uniform is filthy, his knees are constantly bruised, his eyes blackened, his nose running.
Won't you please, Mrs. Young, have a talk with Malcolm and Angus to help us try to make them into responsible citizens.
Yours very sincerely,
R.K. Lanning, Headmaster