Raccoon Life

It was difficult and I missed my family a great deal.
However, my just-concluded year spent living with a pack of wild raccoons taught me so much -- not least how to thoroughly clean my food in a running stream.
Here are 10 other things I learned living among raccoons:
1
Raccoons communicate in the field using an elaborate series of hand signals, similar to those employed by a third-base coach calling for a squeeze play in baseball.
2
The raccoon written language uses the Cyrillic alphabet, also seen in Russia, Bulgaria and Serbia.
3
Raccoons associate in extended family groups called clans. I spent my year with a clan called Сладката малки бандити, which roughly translates as "Cute Lil' Banditos."
4
Raccoons have divided North America into a series of provinces. The province encompassing eastern Iowa, western Illinois and a portion of southwestern Wisconsin is Старлн Кастло (pronounced

"Starlin Castro").
5
The raccoon equivalent of a "Polish joke" is called a "Weasel joke" and is never really funny.
6
The raccoons you see rooting through garbage cans aren't looking for food scraps. They are seeking bottles of Tide detergent, which they steal to use as currency on the streets.
7
The triptych by notable raccoon artist Боядисване на животните displayed in the Art Institute of Chicago was hanging upside down for 16 years until a visiting marmot spotted the error.
8
The raccoon game пулове с удря is similar to human checkers, but with jumping an opponent replaced with a sharp slap to your opponent's nose.
9
Although they don't own televisions, raccoons exhibit an instinctive fixation on the failed relationships of Kim Kardashian.
10
Raccoons enjoy April Fool's Day almost as much as we do.