Steven Wells, R.I.P. -- on Baseball and steroids

(The) real reason why real baseball fans hate steroids (is) because steroids render the statistics meaningless. And without the stats, baseball becomes mere entertainment. Except that it doesn't. And there's the crunch. Modern baseball is only slightly more exciting that snail racing. To watch baseball live is to watch a sport dying. Huge crowds sit almost comatose, despite the bursts of rock'n'roll hammering out of the PA and the exhortations to 'Make Some Noise' flashed on the scoreboard. Attempts to generate excitement might include a T-shirt catapult, a hot dog cannon or a lottery with a giant bar of chocolate as a prize. But the crowds just sit there - not singing or chanting or cheering - bored catatonic and paying through the nose for the privilege (a family of four can expect to fork out $276 to watch a Boston Red Sox game - and that's not including money for gas).
A typical baseball innings goes something like this. The pitcher stands immobile on his mound, glancing sideways occasionally to check if anyone's trying to steal a base. This goes on for some time. After an eternity he pitches. The batter swings. And nearly always misses. Or he hits the ball behind the diamond. Which doesn't count. Or he whacks the ball, gets caught and is out. This is repeated (very slowly) again and again and again until three batters are out. Which is when a good proportion of the crowd scramble from their seats and try desperately hard to get drunk on $6-a-pop watered-down pseudo-beer.
If ever a sport needed drugs, it's baseball.